come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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