That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
