my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
