I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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