Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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