I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
