and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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