he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
