u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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