dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
