Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk is a universal language darling
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
