I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
