I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
