It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
