So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
