Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
