we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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