she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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