With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
