Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
