3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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