i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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