In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it wasn't lemon gatorade
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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