no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
