i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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