Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
