She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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