so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
