OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
