My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
