As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
