can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
