Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
