Umm I'm too high to move.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
