Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
