Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
