Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
