Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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