shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
