If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
