I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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