Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
God, I missed his penis.
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