the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
