I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
