We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
