i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
