She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
