I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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