the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
