you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
