WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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