When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
