You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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