Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
