i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
