Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
